Do you ever catch yourself giving your children or others advice and thinking, simultaneously, I should really take my own advice because this is really brilliant.
I do. More often than I care to admit to anyone. The baby dills are still adjusting to their new schools. It's been a bumpy go.
Olive, who normally has a billion friends, plus one, came to me and said she didn't have any friends at school. Then she got dressed and asked if she looked okay. She was just wearing some jean shorts and a t-shirt.
It wasn't like her to be less than confident in her choice of ensemble, she who put together her turquoise Mexican dress and polka-dot leg warmers for her first day to her new school. I told her she looked fine.
She said that there was a boy at school that made fun of what she wore. It hurt my heart. I could almost see a tangible cloud of doubt in her mind.
I told her that she couldn't go through life trying to please everyone. That would just wear her out and there was no possible way to do it anyway. There will always be a naysayer, which is usually more self-reflective than anything. As much as we'd all like to control those around us, we can't, and we shouldn't. We have to try to be good and kind to those around us, but be true to who we are. Cliché and all.
It was like a knock on my head. Why. What great advice you're offering. You should partake, while you're at it.
It's exhausting enough to attempt to feed and please 8 mouths who all differ in palates, let alone please everyone whose lives might intersect mine.
So, I have decided to allow the opinions and the naysayers to be weighed and dropped, if need be. I know constructive criticism is sometimes good and needed, but we need to take feedback, use it, and then let it wash away. In work, in church, at home, on blogs. All of it.
Ryan wondered aloud if Drummer was the only one worthy of my blog and instagram posts these days. While a boy in striped clothes on random stoops is appealing, I love all these mugs equally.
Thank you for your patience with this inconsistant blog until our new abode welcomes us.
Until then, be true to yourself. I'm trying. Always.
I love the advice. Actually I printed it out and fully intend to quote it to my girls regularly.
ReplyDeleteAw Katy, I want to fly across the country and give you a big hug (and maybe partake in your glorious weather). Clover too. Em has come home a couple times from school and mentioned mild teasing episodes, and it is so tough to hear as a mama. You're doing a great job, it's a hard thing to move and be in renovation-land, and you'll all come through soon enough with a house with the coolest tile entryway ever. :) Take care.
ReplyDelete*I meant Olive, not Clover. Sorry Olive!
ReplyDeleteSo... I just realized that my now 2-year-old daughter will someday be teased about something and it will likely hurt her feelings, and now I'm crying like an idiot. THANKS for THAT! This is somewhat like the time I looked at her newborn gums and broke down sobbing because she'll probably get a cavity someday. BUT I do thank you heartily for your advice. I'll stick it in my file of "how to deal with this stuff when it inevitably comes up."
ReplyDeleteI wouldn´t have found better words to say to my daughter. It´s funny that I started reading your blog for your sewing and now, when I´m in one of those situatiosn where I don´t know what to say to my kids I ask myself what would Katy say. Honest. Don´t stop blogging about life.
ReplyDeleteMaría
Your doing GREAT at managing it all, don't let the few negative people tell you different. Keep it up sweet girl!
ReplyDeleteOh, NO! This stupid clothing problem. Poor girl!
ReplyDeleteWe had the same troubles recently and WE decided: cool is what the others like. If YOU like what THEY like, wear it. If you don't like what they like, tell them. And if they try to tease you just remember the love you feel for your hommade clothes and tell them about.
No more problems so far. My daughter has definitely decided not to please ANYone. Because she simply doesn't like to wear jeans. And dark colours. And "cool" prints.
I hope this will last for a while now...
I think, love is the key. If she is sure that she loves what she wears pleasing other persons becomes a matter of no importance.
So much love from the other side of the ocean! And best wishes to all the baby dills. May they get comfortable with their new lives quickly!
Juliane
Love that last picture of Drummer! And poor Olive! I'm sure she'll soon come into her own at the new school. Did the girls have a uniform at their last school? That, in itself, must be a big change. How are the other four adjusting?
ReplyDeleteSo true! It's so hard, though. My heart aches for our little kids.
ReplyDeleteMoving is tough. I hate when people say it's easy for kids, especially if they never had to do it. My kids are Navy "brats" (I actually hate that term) and this summer, we are expecting our eighth move in thirteen years. :-/ I know it will eventually make them strong, but for now, there's still plenty of anxiety. Hang in there!
my kids are Air Force Kids, and I totally know what you mean! People in the military keep telling me it gets easy for the kids to move, that they learn to make friends faster etc. We've done 5 school's in the time my son has gotten to 7th grade, and my daughter to 6th, and it doesn't ever seem to get easier! They have great attitudes, but the acceptance and friends are hard to come by, and guiding them towards good friends, and not to just latch onto the first kids that say hi, has been challenging!
DeleteI can totally relate with you since we moved about two and a half years ago and switched all three kids into a new school and new district. It hurts my heart to see your girls questioning who they are but know that they will learn so much about themselves through this experience. Hang in there mama. You are doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteHonestly you don't have to apologize for inconsistent blogging....your posts are ALWAYS worth waiting for! With either beautiful photos, very wise words about life or high quality crafts.....and usually all three in one! Thank you! With clever parents like you to look up to your girls and boy are going to be fine.
ReplyDeleteWe go through the move growing pains every 3 years with the military, and contrary to what many military families say, it never gets easier (we keep hearing about all these kids that learn to be so outgoing a move to a new school doesn't phase them, but have yet to actually experience the phenomena.) Our son has struggled much more then our daughter, but since this year is our first adventure with middle school for both kids, we are discovering the wonderful world of what is and isn't cool, and how it affects them socially. I am both blessed and cursed with kids that don't care about having what is cool, (or wearing what is cool,) but unfortunately they ARE affected by the unkind words about not having or wearing those things (not enough to change what they are doing though.) Sometimes I want to "help" them (I offered a pair of Toms to my daughter since they are in, and she said she didn't need any shoes right now.) And then I suddenly realized that they are reflecting the values we have taught them, to not worry about liking things just because others do, or wanting things just to be accepted - and the reality is, if there are any growing pains associated with having those values, the change needs to come from caring about the thoughts of others, rather than worrying about changing whether or not they have the next cool thing, as the character built from that foundation may be more painful in the short term, it will grow them so much straighter in the long term! (A good thing for me to remember too when trying to guide them, sometimes I just want to take away their struggles to be accepted!)
ReplyDeleteThis life is hard. That's all I have to say.
ReplyDeleteI love to read you and see your photos.
ReplyDeleteYou give great advice! My heart goes out to little Miss Olive. I hope she finds some good friends soon!
ReplyDeleteI love you, Katy Dill! Don't take that weird, just I love that you're you. Just honest and straightforward. It's tough being a mommy (I know!). Some people thrive on change, and for others, well, it rocks their world (not in a good way). I've got a "new normal" happening at my house too, and it's not easy. You're doing well. Don't grow weary in well-doing, and love those 6 little blessings (and their daddy) to pieces. It is so worth it!!!
ReplyDeleteHave you seen The Friend this month? There is an article about a little girl whose friends make fun of her "big lips." It had a similar message and I thought, "I should remember this story for whenever this comes up with my kids."
ReplyDeleteI hope your kids adjust quickly and make some wonderful friends soon. We are planning on building this year and although it's only 20 minutes away from where we are, it's still a change for everything they know. And remembering how much I HATED moving when I was young, I really ache for my kids. My 9 year old told me he was scared. I teared up reading about Olive. Because seeing lost confidence in your kids is just so heartbreaking. So glad they have such a great family to help them through it all!
ReplyDeleteSuch a lovely post as always. I am so sorry that Olive had someone make fun of her. It made my heart hurt too. Love that second to last yellow wall shot. Just beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSo very true - both your advice to your daughter and in the importance to heed it ourselves. It can be hard to hear your own voice when there are so many who talk so loudly about what we should and shouldn't do. One rule I try to follow - never take criticism from someone you wouldn't go to for advice.
ReplyDeleteEveraftercottage,
DeleteWhat a wonderful thought. I'm going to use it!
Thank you!
My heart hurts for you and your daughter. My second child, oldest son is now 15 when he was in 3rd grade he sang and danced like no one was watching all of the time, he told jokes, he loved life. Then we moved to Utah.....a place where it should have been easier and smooth sailing...but it wasn't. Those he thought would accept him because we finally lived where we were a part of the majority didn't. It was so hard. I still mourn the loss of his carefree spirit. But we've worked through it and slowly he's opening up again and letting others see how great he is again and I've discovered a young man who has become even more compationate and understanding and strong.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughts and insights.
Good luck
As the person mentioned above, your blog posts are worth the wait!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are such a fantastic mommy. I think you are an amazing inspiration to so many moms!
Funny how that stupid clothing thing just never goes away. About 5 years ago I went to a convention with some colleagues. We worked at a camp, so casual dress was OK and expected. I was really pinched for time with some sewing work I had to do and even took sewing work with me. My attire was pretty low on the list. I didn't even think much about what I packed, just what felt good to wear. I work from home a lot so my wardrobe is not elaborate anyway.
My adult "friends" decided to have a field day about my clothing choice one day. Not the garments but the loud colors. They went so far as to name a brightly painted Victorian home after me as we walked.
It was so painful.
It didn't seem to matter than I even managed to squeeze in the time for this convention at all. My presence didn't seem important.
It was the beginning of the end for many of those relationships. I totally migrated away from them.
Now I sometimes CHOOSE to wear bold colors in defiance and smirk at them. (so immature, I know)
One silly incident.
I always hope that young children are just better at forgetting when this kind of thing happens.
I was shocked when my 4 1/2 year old daughter came home crying from pre-school last year because a boy she really adored told her she "wasn't cool". She didn't even know what cool is, but she knew it wasn't good that she wasn't. To add salt to the wound, he decided that her little girlfriend "was cool" and told her so..... The great thing is that her dad sat her down and told her what cool was and she was the coolest thing around. We talked about good friends that never say mean things and to walk away from those that do...because they aren't your true friends. Never did I think I'd have this conversation with a 4 year old.... but I suppose it's better when they are young to teach them how to choose those people in life that are positive and to build that ever so important self esteem in from the early start.
ReplyDeleteI think you're awesome :)
ReplyDeleteThankfully my daughter seems to not be bugged about her clothes, but last year in preschool she got bullied a bit and we had to have a talk about how if somebody calls you a purple hippo does that make you a purple hippo? No, you're right, that is silly, and whoever is calling someone something they aren't is pretty silly too, and that's their problem, not yours. I did have a mini panic attack one day when she told me she wanted to wear her purple sparkly pants because everyone likes her when she wears her purple sparkly pants, though. Ack!
ReplyDeleteI definitely suffer from One Who Should Take Ones Own Advice Upon Occasion Syndrome. And your post title makes me think of the Winnie the Pooh storybooks!
You tell Olive that grampa loves her style!
ReplyDeleteoh oh oh. this post is moving so many people, me included. you are doing a wonderful job, keep being brave and strong and do take your own advice.
ReplyDeleteLove the look on Clover's face in the picture of the girls. Your girls are so awesome. I wish they knew it and trusted in it.
ReplyDeleteI read this a few days ago and kept thinking about the comment about getting made fun of, its sad and I couldn't get it off my mind. also I love your blog
ReplyDeleteI have moved with my family 10 times, and you know I want to give you a big hug right now. Moving is hard, and all the energy for a family comes from the mama. I like to say that I have no room for people who SUBTRACT from my life but there is always room for people who ADD to it.
ReplyDeletethat boy is a doll.... although that other boy, not so much. I used to tell my kids "if someone called you a giraffe would that make you a giraffe? Just because someone says something, doesn't make it so!
ReplyDeleteWill your new home have a beautiful view of the beach like your last?
That is excellent advice both for Olive and for everyone on earth. I wish someone had given me that advice when I was young and struggling with who I was.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are right that it is excellent for adults too. Frequently, my mom and I do not get along at all due to vastly different world views. It is a struggle during those times to remain true to myself and to my truth since she is my mother. But we are adults and do not always have to agree or like what the other does.
Young or older, there always will be someone who doesn't approve. Most of the time, it is not worth troubling over. Because the people who truly love us love for the truth of us!
HI! WOW ~ does is Drummer Ryan's clone, or what? Ador-a-ble! Are any of those houses your new one? I like your photographs ;)
ReplyDeleteHang in there fabulous Katy. I only have 3 littles and braid my arms daily as I fling them in each direction trying to help, to hold, to manage, to feed, to clean, to create...not to mention a big move amongst all the constant undulating moves you harbour. You rock.
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