That first born is a taxing position to bolster, especially when she was booted from "the baby" position at a mere 18 months. We've often said she has only-child-wannabe-syndrome. We say it half jokingly, because she truly needs more attention than any other of our children. We've prayed about it, fasted, seen "people", and most importantly felt we have known the answer to the behavior we've been so heartbroken to see come from our child. After taking away every thing we could think of, both physical and privilege, we decided to go the other direction of the spectrum. Let's give her more. More attention, more conversation, more of us. More of her momma. Wednesday after I put the other 4 to bed, we have Divine Time. She chooses what we do. She has blossomed. She is kinder, she tries harder, and she feels important and loved. Last night she chose to play a game with me: Mikado, aka pick-up sticks, though I prefer to call it Mikado, it sounds much more exciting and refined. She's a tough match, as she's inherited her mom's steady hand.
You're a genius for giving her more time. I love how she's responded. :)
ReplyDeleteSo glad she is happier! What good parents you are.
ReplyDeleteoooh, i wanna play!
ReplyDeletep.s. love the new banner. made me do a double-take.
Good parenting strategy. My sister had a bird named "Mikado" named after the opera.
ReplyDeleteWe did this with Triston, also our first, awhile back and we, too, saw the changes in him immediately!
ReplyDeletethat is soo lovely! i call it the stick game, and it is the only kind of sit down game i enjoy, i bet she just loves wednesdays!
ReplyDeletep.s thankyou for your kind comment, you are such a lovely lady, it made my evening :)
I love what you chose to do with her. If you have never read 'Siblings Without Rivalry' you should pick up a copy. But it suggests exactly what you are choosing to do with her. There are also lots of ideas on how to handle kids when they fight.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I have a little boy that I have worried and prayed about his behavior lately too. I think this may be my answer. I had this exact same thought come to me yesterday --to spend more time with him and give him more love and attention AND to remind him of who he really is---and now reading this post just confirmed it for me! Thank you for your sweet example and insight!
ReplyDeleteI am BEYOND thankful for this post. You are telling MY story except it's my youngest daughter. We hit the "terrible 2's".....nope why didn't anyone warn me about the 3's?? Once she turned 4 we thought we were in the clear. UNTIL about 3 weeks ago and her behavior has kept us doing double takes at her......what have you done with my EMERY??? We tried several things......but in the end we were left frustrated and those frustrations were NOT pretty. I've cried, called the pediatrician, wondered if we are bad parents, prayed, talked with friends/family and PRAYED. I've had a few days off with her and decided we would go in the opposite direction also, love even more, ignore the negative (unless she hurts her sister physically) behavior, HUG her tightly when she's mad (and I don't have a reason as to why this one thing has validated her feelings and within seconds she becomes "new" again), let her choose a special activity for a few hours on an "no certain schedule day" (this week was library/park with a picnic day and we had a BEAUTIFUL day), FOLLOWING through with what we say we are going to do......there's probably a few more but you get the idea. At this moment I feel more at peace, she's had us worried. God gives us the strength we need. I LOVE THAT GIRL WITH HER SPUNKY ATTITUDE AND SHE WILL GO FAR!!! Thanks again for your beautiful HONEST post!!! It's good to know I'm NOT alone!!!!
ReplyDeleteoh my gracious i wrote a book!!! sorry but this post is just what i needed today!!!
ReplyDeletesmart parents of a smart daughter.
ReplyDeleteTotally what we do with our middle child--she's our "squeaky wheel," and has always benefitted from an extra hug or more eye contact.
ReplyDeletesome children require more & what a blessed child you have to have parents who recognize that.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't read this, but it is wonderful! I agree with you about the more time and all of that! My oldest was also kicked out of baby position at 18 months and it is hard on them! I feel like he didn't get to be a baby for as long as he needed to. But I have to trust that God has his reasons because it is still hard, but this is a great reminder:). Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I really need to do this with my oldest but it seems so....impossible. I am tired at night and I admit I am selfish and want my own time. But if you say it works maybe I just need to try it he needs more attention then my others it seems.
ReplyDeletethanks again!
great post. we did this with my oldest (also booted from "baby" position at 18 months old), now almost 2 and a half. she'd been giving us hell at nighttime--tantrums that would last for over an hour or two. we threatened, took prized possessions away. finally i had the idea to put a positive spin on things. if she goes down for the night without a fuss, we all go for a walk together in the morning. it's been nearly 3 weeks and we haven't had a rough night yet. a good attitude and ability to spin things in a good directions--works wonders, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteIt seems something of the older ones because we have the same problem with our 9 years old girls... We did a lot but I'll give it a try to this so we could all be better at home, thank you for sharing... :)
ReplyDelete