Azure hasn't had her wings off since we returned from Boston
I love to hear other people's birthing stories. I must get that from my Aunt Lynn. Each one is so unique and powerful. Each is filled with strength and weakness. But, sometimes I want to shout to women to stop listening to the doctors and start listening to their own bodies. Strength and weakness, but somehow, the vast majority of OBGYNs take the strength from women, or rather convince them of and focus on their weakness. The pain. Yes, it really hurts, but in that pain is where the strength comes. Women have done this since the conception of the earth. I've done it so many ways. Prostiglandin gel induced/epidural, castor oil induced/in the car, pitocin induced/natural, pitocin induced/epidural, and finally, my water birth. The perfect birth. Women are strong. My body knew what to do and my midwife had faith in me. The rhythm was my own. Mentally, I had prepared for the moment when I would want external relief. I can do it. My mortal weakness will want relief from the pain. My inner strength, my mental strength, my god-given strength would carry me to the moment my child lay on my breast. Weakness and strength fight, but also balance. We must find the balance, because the weakness and strength of motherhood only begins at birth.
My mom used to say she was a patient person until she had kids. Now that's what I say. I've had this epiphany that, no doubt, is not new to everyone else. Motherhood is more about me than my children. It is a test of me. Yes, I'm here to nurture, teach, and guide these children so they become good, righteous women. But, God wants to know what I do with my strengths and weaknesses. He wants to watch me laugh instead of yell. He wants me to hug instead of punish. I am strong and want to force them to do what's right. But, I am weak and should just walk beside them, telling them what I have learned. Tell them how much I still don't know. I am so, so weak. That's when I need to turn my weakness over to my Savior and ask for His strength.
I have never considered myself a patient person, but having stepkids has really tried whatever patience I might have had.
ReplyDeleteIt has made me both long for and fear having children of my own.
i'd like to just give a hearty AMEN to about 10 sentences in that first paragraph. this was one of my biggest trials while pregnant with Dinah; letting all these fear-induced, negative birthing stories get to me (didn't make me scared so much as angry). i've since tried hard to let that frustration go and be as positive and helpful as i can in spreading the message you so eloquently put forth in that first paragraph.
ReplyDeletethat said, i didn't focus on the after-the-baby-comes stuff very much at all (the part i was more afraid of). getting married a little later allowed time for the illusion of my self-perceived patience to erode enough for me to really be afraid for my future children. i would even tell myself i shouldn't bring any into the world.
watching you parent (and reading this second paragraph) is like glimpsing the future, or, i should say, what the future could be if i am able to be pliable enough for the Lord to shape me. remembering our roles as mere stewards is key i think (they were and are His first). and yes, learning the balance of our strengths and weaknesses; realizing the former and surrendering the latter.
wonderful thoughts, as always. thank you so much for thinking and sharing them!
I've done pitocin induced/epidural, violently sick induced/epidural, and pitocin induced/natural. I'd have to say the third was the best, but even still, the thought of another natural labor is not a happy thought.
ReplyDeleteKids do try our patience, though I can't even imagine you ever yelling. I think I'm going to try to laugh more, though. Thanks for this post.
So I haven't been reading your blog....do you want to know why? Because I knew I would miss you guys just way too much. And I was right!!
ReplyDeleteI love birth stories too. My dream is to be a labor and delivery nurse ... sigh ... it IS empowering when your body creates, grows and gives birth to such miracles.
ReplyDeletewhat a well written post. thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago when there was a link from another blog I read for inspiration. I immediately recognized that we live in the same town (I am brand new here!) and I've enjoyed reading your posts ever since. Thank you for your inspiration and making me smile!
ReplyDeleteAzure is a beautiful angel snuggled up with her unfurled wings.
ReplyDeleteHow'd you learn to be so wise?
This is just what I've been feeling tonight, but it lay out of my reach until I saw it in your words. Thank you for giving me a frame to put my evening into, and reminding us why some days are harder than others--we are still becoming, and won't be done any time soon.
ReplyDeleteOh the winged Azure is just too much. Thank you for the reminder of strengths and weaknesses. You said it perfectly.
ReplyDeleteYes, Azure is so darling snuggled up as a pixie. I just found out I will be giving birth to a baby boy in June. I thought it was going to be a little girl, and I admit I have cried a little. I am so afraid of the labor, but I can do it. A little stage fright never hurt anyone. Loves,
ReplyDeleteTisse
Thanks for sharing your epiphany Katy. It's really marvelous and I hadn't thought about it in that way before--we bring little spirits here for _their_ test, but they are really part of our test. I mean it makes so much sense when I say it, but what an important thing to realize.
ReplyDeleteAnd doesn't it seem that the older we get and the more we learn the more we realize we don't know? I think it's been said before, but it's just so true.
You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteHi Katy, Thank you very much for your comment on my blog. It made my day! I would very much appreciate your guidance in learning how to sew. Where do you suggest I start? Hope you have a wonderful weekend! Thanks again! Kris
ReplyDeleteOh my sweet daughter [inherited by marriage to my youngest], you have learned at your tender young age what it has taken me many long years to know. Laughing and hugging are the best cures. I love how you put all of your thoughts into such beautiful prose. Thank you for being the mother of my little angels.
ReplyDeleteThank you VERY much! I will keep you updated. =)
ReplyDeleteKaty, I am lucky that you are my friend.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog! My first two babies were both born in the hospital. My third and fourth were born at home with the guidence of my wonderful midwife. I truly believe the sprit urged me to look into the posibility of a natural home birth. I'm so glad I listened, studied and prayed and finally was blessed with 2 of the most beautiful birthing experiences a woman could ever want. Having a baby minus the drugs isn't a walk in the park, but it's so worth it. I feel like If I put my mind to it I can do anything now. BTW I read your birth Story. It was wonderful.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! You have always been such a strength to me! :)
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